10 Things I Hate About Hermione Granger
by Anonymous Santa
Summary: She's a girl. And guys are stronger than girls. I could have just as easily slammed my fist into her guts and screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs – but of course, that's not a civil thing to do. So just to please her, I didn't hit back. Hey, you can't blame me for being a good soul. Idea belongs to My Hopeless Romantic. T for a bit of language.


**[a/n]: I decided to redo a lot of things: the introduction – the grammar – a lot of things. I honestly think I've improved in many places on my writing. I hope to get better, but for now, I'm reposting this. Oh, and I'm making another chapter where Hermione makes a list on what _she_ hates about Draco Malfoy.**

Alright, you _probably_ know who I am.

If you don't, then please leave this page immediately – I only show secrets to those who worship me.

Now, my name is Draco Malfoy – the one, if not the only; well, I don't really think there are a lot of people out there who have the same name – the same talents – or the same looks. Not many can be gifted with a name such as 'Malfoy' – (or ferret) – be quiet you author.

Maybe you were wondering – what is this young and dashing gentleman, doing on this fine day? Well, I would like to answer: on a date – or in a fine class party – or even outside enjoying the wondrous views of Paris – which I must admit, I've visited a couple of times – but sadly, I can't. Perhaps you were expecting a little too much from me?

Where _is_ Draco, exactly?

Well, I'm in my room.

Don't worry; it's a very _fine_ room – a room that matches its owner: me.

Ah yes, but such an exquisite room couldn't possibly save me from the boredom of my own mind. I was _tap-tap-_taping my wand on my desk, my hand was propped up to cushion my cheek, and my eyes gazed out the glassy window with a mixture of impatience (the house elves were taking too long to buy me my pudding; blast those horrid creatures!) and hatred.

Hatred for what exactly?

These two words that would roll off my tongue with all the venom of my resentment could easily kill an adult hippogriff. (Geddit? I'm in Slytherin, so obviously, I have venom power. All hail!) Well, I could hardly care, that's one less nasty beast with a bespectacled freak to place on its shoulders. My heart bleeds. I'll just say it anyway: Hermione Granger.

That ungodly little creature! Why couldn't she just stop being so stuck-up and just kiss the ground I walk on? That ungrateful girl – she should be thanking me to be able to gift the girls with my presence! I gritted my teeth.

An idea popped into my brain.

I quickly snatched a piece of parchment from one of the shelves, and seized my quill. Scrawling quickly onto the paper, I wrote:

**10 Things I Hate About Hermione Granger**

There, that should do it. That little mudblood will be so shocked to find this posted on every wall of Hogwarts! She'll never lay a nasty word on me again with her filthy mouth! I could practically imagine her gazing in horror at the people laughing at her. Wouldn't that be a sight!

Here we go. Okay, from the top, number 10...

**Number 10:**

I hate her abnormally bushy hair. It's all curly, curvy, loopy, circle-ly... (Draco, can't you find any other adjectives?) and so _brown_. It looks so damn ugly! Like a bush! Like a freaking brown bush stuck to a head of a human being! It looks so dull – well, I can't really say that from when she was in the Yule Ball – wait! No – Hermione Granger is a girl with bushy, curly, curvy, loopy, circly, brown, dull hair!

**Number 9:**

I hate her skin. It's so pearly white – isn't she just unbelievably pale? Is she sick? Not that I'm worried or anything – not in a million years – it's just that I like to insult her, and calling her sick because of her skin is an insult. Cackle, yes Draco, you are on a roll.

**Number 8:**

I hate her obsession with books and rules. She's such a goody-goody. Following everything the teachers tell her, and being so smart – _dumb_. She's so full of it! Always going by the rules, never taking risks – always taking the safe sides of things! But then again, her quick thinking has always been the one that saved Potty and Weasel's pants, thus _causing_ the safe side of things. If she wasn't in that petty little group with those ugly gits, then Potter would have been long dead by now – did I just complement her? For Christ's sake, no! I just stated the truth that she is such a boring person.

**Number 7:**

I hate that she punched me in the nose a while back when we were somewhere around thirteen. I mean, come on, my nose bled after that. Talk about getting my robes stained – I mean, it's called high quality silk. My family put in extra money to craft the Slytherin symbol on the chest pocket.

Also_, just_ because I ran away after that blow, does _not_ mean I'm scared of her – heaven forbid – never – of _course not_!

She's a _girl_and guys are stronger than girls. I could have just as easily slammed my fist into her guts and screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs – but of course, that's not a civil thing to do. So just to please her, I didn't hit back, and let her have the triumphal smirk she had the next day.

I did _not_ do it for _her_ sake though – nope – I was just merely doing it for a girl who could never fight back if we really _did_ get into a fist fight. Seriously, she should be thanking me! Damn that ungrateful Granger! I don't even rub it into her face! ...Because I'm such a good person. (You're just scared that you might find your ass covered in boils) _[Shut it]_ Would it be good to tell her how much of a bad person she is? Hey, you can't blame me for being a good soul.

**Number 6:**

I hate that she's on Potty's side whenever I bullied him. She's always there to hex me, curse me, and keep up with my snide comments! I mean, why take _his_ side? Of all people! She went on the side of the famous "Boy-Who-Lived" or more like, "The-Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Die" as I would call it. When she could have been on Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, _heck_, even Slytherin, she'd rather be on Potty-face's side! He's already full of it as it is!

**Number 5:**

I hate that I can't think of anything else and I just thought of four so far. Oh! I know! I hate her laugh! It's like a bell that pierces through your ears. Is she tone-deaf or something? Even without singing, she renders all ears unable to hear – and if ears can't let you hear, then what's the purpose for them? Plus, it makes me want to smile – and, Merlin, it's so _horrifying_! Like listening to a car screeching – Even though I don't know what a car actually is. What is it anyway?

**Number 4:**

I hate that she dated that friggin' Weasel-bee, I want to hex him into oblivion! ...not that I'm jealous or anything, of course not – even a walrus could satisfy me on a date more than her – I just like hexing people! I mean, first was Krum, and now that red head? What is she a player? Oh wait, so that's it! She's so full of it! She just loves herself! What the hell is wrong with that woman? Telling me I'm a playboy, when for a fact, she's one too! Oh, the nerve of females these days!

**Number 3:**

I hate how her lips are so pink. I mean, I'm a guy – I _despise_ pink. All the other girls have lipstick on, so their lips are red, and I'm fine with that – but why on Earth do her lips have to be pink? Hermione Granger has disgusting lips, you must admit. I mean, _come on_, she bites them when she thinks. She presses them together when she's worried – not that... I notice what she does to her lips or anything. Let's move on.

**Number 2:**

I hate how she's way smarter than me; it ticks me off to know someone gets better grades than yours truly. Though I think she's partly the reason why my grades drop! I'm a table away from her each class, and her scent – vanilla – I always inhale it and it smells like putrid socks lying out in the sun to dry. (Didn't you just say it smelled of vanilla – how could that possible be compared to socks?) It smells horrid! Like someone died! I feel dizzy when I smell it, and she must have put a charm on it because I find myself sniffing the air more. I can't pay attention to class! What shampoo does she use? Dog soap? I wouldn't be surprised.

**Number 1:**

God damnit – by the way kids, contrary to popular belief, God's last name is _not_ damnit – fuck (pardon my French) all the things I said. Her hair looks _so_ damn soft and I freaking want to run my hand through it, her scent is so intoxicating, I think I could get a nose bleed if I got an over dose, her lips are so pink, I want to frigging kiss her!

She's so pretty, and dog soap does smell good – trust me, I've tried! She bites her lips when she's thinking, and I got so damned angry when she went out with Krum! Her laugh is a like a melody and I can't help but smile, she's so organised and well prepared for anything – her skin is flawless and I just want to touch it;

I hate it when she sticks up for Potter, and it's only because she never sticks up for _me_! I hated it when she was together with that Weasel; I hated it when they were together and having fun! I _so_ god damn hated it when I saw them snog, and the only _freaking god damn_ reason I hate _her_ is because she's the only girl I can't have! I hate her for it damnit! I hate her for it! I get jealous over that Weasel, and I just can't help it, damn it! _I can't!_

Jesus-Freaking-Christ, I'm _ruined_ now.

If Blaise or Pansy ever find this parchment, I'm toast. My whole reputation would go down the drain – Weasel and Potty will probably beat me up for writing this, and Granger, oh Merlin, I don't even want to _think_ of her reaction. This changes my mind: I am _definitely__not_ going to post this on every wall of Hogwarts. It would be too humiliating – these aren't even valid reasons. (You must admit, I'm quite the comedian) Though this doesn't change one thing though,

I hate that I still love her

Tch.

**[A/N]: The general idea does not belong to me. It was from someone else in the Anime/Manga section of Gakuen Alice. It was a funny fic, so I'm deciding to make my own version of it! Harry Potter style! Original idea from: My Hopeless Romantic! I repeat, the general idea belongs to MY HOPELESS ROMANTIC!**


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